I recently went back to the online dating scene. I know, I know, and before everyone gives me the speech of "I have so much time to meet someone", read on. I wanted to meet more friends, or people I could hang out with, get to know and see if I could build a foundation on friendship. I know what your thinking, "Good luck with that!". To my credit I met some very interesting, fun, amazing people! I hung out with a few guys, went bowling, played pool, went to Jazz games. Met some guys who play for the Grizzlies, and the Bees. What I wasn't expecting were all the rude individuals that I would encounter, and how I couldn't allow those hurtful words to get to me.
With online dating you put up a few of your best pictures, a little biography about yourself and what your likes or dislikes are. Then you start getting the messages and BAM! Everyone thinks they know you. They know your life! Who you are, based off of what you like or don't like. They know your character based off your looks and because they know you, they can tell you whatever they want right? NO! FALSE! People these days think that they have the right to tell you who you are, because they simply "know you", or "people like you." But remember, they don't really know you. They have read a few words you have wrote, seen a few pictures, and knows that you like chocolate ice cream more than vanilla. But so does the guy you just bought that Chocolate ice cream from. He saw what you looked like, he knew you worked across the street and wanted some ice cream on your lunch break. They are superficial encounters.
HERE IS MY POINT: You do not allow individuals(especially those who do not know you) to take your happiness, power, success, love or respect that you have for yourself.
READ AGAIN: I do not allow individuals or those who do not know me to take MY happiness, power, success, love, or respect for MYSELF!
Now what brought up this post? Well, a few days ago I received a message from a man. He seemed nice, funny and maybe he can give me a few tips in the gym(because he was a personal trainer). After getting to know him, I realized he had no skills in conversation, and would only talk about himself. Total turn off. I then politely told him that I wasn't interested. Our conversation was in a low point and I found my opportunity. After that I received a message that I was not expecting.
"Whatever liking I have had for you, it has never been of such a character that I could be otherwise than disgusted by such pictures as yours. They are unutterably coarse and gross and beefy. It is simply unendurable. Not that I object to women, when the unveiling reveals attractions which the eye of the artist loves as something shapely and beautiful. I have an instinctive and cultivated knowledge of what physical beauty is and anything in direct violation of my taste and knowledge-like your picture- simply sickens me. I have studied every limb and line in the bodies of fifty young women and more, and know what form is and beauty is. You must not think me a fool. You are a fine woman in regard to health and strength, you are not a handsome or even a tolerably good looking woman physically and your pictures are simply horrible, horrible, horrible. This is plain speaking but I think its necessary for you. You cannot make yourself physically attractive. Don't try, I am an artist, a student of beauty and its very hard to please me. Don't disgust me."
After this you could imagine how astonished I was. This man used something so delicate(to me and every woman in the world) to make himself feel bigger than me, and for a second it sadly worked. I have been working for my dream body and at this point I let his hurtful words make me question my hard work, determination, and love for my body. But then I realized, He doesn't know me, he doesn't know who I really am. He doesn't know that hard work I've put into my body, and he doesn't know my heart; therefore he is not allowed to take my happiness, power, success, love, or respect from me.
This situation doesn't just happen online. It happens everywhere; work, school, the gym, and when your out with friends! What you need to remember is that we live in a wold where people think they know you because they have peeled back the first layer of your onion. They think they know you from bulb to your protective layer. But they don't. They don't know you, and they are even though they may talk like they do, they have no power in their statements. They have no control in their actions. Why? Because only you can give them that power. Only you can allow them to have that control. Start being strong! Respect yourself to stand up for yourself and say " I will not allow this", and feeling at peace with knowing its OK for not everyone to like you. As long as you love and appreciate yourself, there will be amazing individuals who will love you back.
Please know that you are a strong, powerful, beautiful being that processes so much more than a biography and the liking for chocolate ice cream! You have the power and control to allow things in your life. You have the ability to be stronger and once you are, you will realize these actions don't matter. Only you can allow events or words to hurt you. But you also have the power to get up, dust off, and smile.
I love you all!
Xo, Kenz
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Monday, January 6, 2014
What Being 20 and 2013 Taught Me.
Well, here I am. Just finished making some homemade jambalaya; now eating some cookies and milk thinking about the past year, and pondering over what has happened. A lot.. a lot has happened. I wish that I could watch it. All those moments that I felt joy, comfort, love, and sadness. As I always say there are events that happen in our lives. To shape, and teach us. Theses events make us who we are.
Remember growing up... thinking "I cant wait to be older! Do my own thing. Move out, go to college, have a career, find an amazing man/woman, get married, and start an incredible life with them!" Perhaps that's not what you thought, but it was my plan. It was my hope, my drive, my dream. Now that I am here... it never happens that way; does it? Sure, I went to college, passed my tests and have an incredible career and job that I love. That is something I will always be thankful for! Now in my head it was time to find my other half, the man to "complete me". The man to make all my dreams come true. Or that's at least what I thought. But life hit me, and it doesn't work that way.
We grow up in a society that makes us believe we will go to college, find our other half, get married, have a mortgage, pop out some babies and grow old. What the world never mentioned was all the life that happens in between. The good, the bad, and the hard cold truth that YOU, and only YOU can complete yourself. YOU are the only person that can motivate yourself. YOU are the only person that can make goals and dreams happen. YOU are the only person that can complete yourself. YOUR happiness depends on YOU. YOUR success is only worked hard for by YOU. YOU are the one responsible for loving YOURSELF. These are all things I learned this year... I am the only one responsible for ME. To love myself, to make myself happy, to work hard for what I want, to be accepting of myself, to create the life I have always wanted; no one at the end of the tunnel but me. With arms open for a huge hug saying "You are amazing, and I am so proud of you." So this year... I learned to love myself.
The next huge lesson I learned is what I deserve as a woman. First off, I deserve a man who loves me, just as much as I love myself. I am an incredible human being. I am a smart, funny, loving, passionate, powerful woman; and I am worthy of the affection given to me. Secondly, I am a woman of high value, and I deserve respect. Ladies we can't keep going out with these men who think its OK if they take us to dinner, that we can take them home. When did a nice dinner turn into " I bought you dinner, so your going to be my dessert."? NO! DON'T DO IT! You deserve a man who will travel to the end of the earth just to see your smile. He isn't the one sweetheart. Along with this I learned that it's OK to say "NO!" If you are not OK with something, tell them. If you are not being respected, tell them. You are not every other girl, and you do not deserve to be treated like one. But with these new lessons you must remember It is a two way street. The special person in your life deserves the same effort, love, respect and affection from you.
Now that I have self respect and love myself (which lets be honest, isn't the easiest task) I figured out that me, and only me has the power to complete myself. This is where all of the above comes in play. YOU are the key to YOUR life being complete. You are not a bird in a cage waiting for someone to come along to release you. You are the bird that soars freely, you are the lion who is powerful enough to run a kingdom, You are key to your own lock, and you are the only one who has the ability to set yourself free.
Other than big lessons being taught, I experienced some miracles too. I moved into my first apartment with my best friend, I met incredible friends, I started right out of school with an amazing job, and I was blessed with a little brother who I love with all my heart.
Thank you 2013 for giving me life, love, miracles, struggles, heartache and joy. Thank you to my family who I adore with all I have. Thank you to my friends who have supported me, loved me and given me strength. Thank you for the adventures I had. Thank you for helping me become a better woman, friend, lover, and a step up to the woman I have always envisioned myself becoming.
Please remember that as you go through life, it wont always be easy, but baby there is light at the end of a hard day. I promise you are loved, accepted, adored and cherished. You have to complete yourself before someone can compliment your life.You have to respect yourself before someone will respect you. Live a little! Do crazy things, you'll regret it if you don't. Now you have to take the step in loving, accepting, adoring, and cherishing yourself.
143
Kenzie
Remember growing up... thinking "I cant wait to be older! Do my own thing. Move out, go to college, have a career, find an amazing man/woman, get married, and start an incredible life with them!" Perhaps that's not what you thought, but it was my plan. It was my hope, my drive, my dream. Now that I am here... it never happens that way; does it? Sure, I went to college, passed my tests and have an incredible career and job that I love. That is something I will always be thankful for! Now in my head it was time to find my other half, the man to "complete me". The man to make all my dreams come true. Or that's at least what I thought. But life hit me, and it doesn't work that way.
We grow up in a society that makes us believe we will go to college, find our other half, get married, have a mortgage, pop out some babies and grow old. What the world never mentioned was all the life that happens in between. The good, the bad, and the hard cold truth that YOU, and only YOU can complete yourself. YOU are the only person that can motivate yourself. YOU are the only person that can make goals and dreams happen. YOU are the only person that can complete yourself. YOUR happiness depends on YOU. YOUR success is only worked hard for by YOU. YOU are the one responsible for loving YOURSELF. These are all things I learned this year... I am the only one responsible for ME. To love myself, to make myself happy, to work hard for what I want, to be accepting of myself, to create the life I have always wanted; no one at the end of the tunnel but me. With arms open for a huge hug saying "You are amazing, and I am so proud of you." So this year... I learned to love myself.
The next huge lesson I learned is what I deserve as a woman. First off, I deserve a man who loves me, just as much as I love myself. I am an incredible human being. I am a smart, funny, loving, passionate, powerful woman; and I am worthy of the affection given to me. Secondly, I am a woman of high value, and I deserve respect. Ladies we can't keep going out with these men who think its OK if they take us to dinner, that we can take them home. When did a nice dinner turn into " I bought you dinner, so your going to be my dessert."? NO! DON'T DO IT! You deserve a man who will travel to the end of the earth just to see your smile. He isn't the one sweetheart. Along with this I learned that it's OK to say "NO!" If you are not OK with something, tell them. If you are not being respected, tell them. You are not every other girl, and you do not deserve to be treated like one. But with these new lessons you must remember It is a two way street. The special person in your life deserves the same effort, love, respect and affection from you.
Now that I have self respect and love myself (which lets be honest, isn't the easiest task) I figured out that me, and only me has the power to complete myself. This is where all of the above comes in play. YOU are the key to YOUR life being complete. You are not a bird in a cage waiting for someone to come along to release you. You are the bird that soars freely, you are the lion who is powerful enough to run a kingdom, You are key to your own lock, and you are the only one who has the ability to set yourself free.
Other than big lessons being taught, I experienced some miracles too. I moved into my first apartment with my best friend, I met incredible friends, I started right out of school with an amazing job, and I was blessed with a little brother who I love with all my heart.
Thank you 2013 for giving me life, love, miracles, struggles, heartache and joy. Thank you to my family who I adore with all I have. Thank you to my friends who have supported me, loved me and given me strength. Thank you for the adventures I had. Thank you for helping me become a better woman, friend, lover, and a step up to the woman I have always envisioned myself becoming.
Please remember that as you go through life, it wont always be easy, but baby there is light at the end of a hard day. I promise you are loved, accepted, adored and cherished. You have to complete yourself before someone can compliment your life.You have to respect yourself before someone will respect you. Live a little! Do crazy things, you'll regret it if you don't. Now you have to take the step in loving, accepting, adoring, and cherishing yourself.
143
Kenzie
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