I recently went back to the online dating scene. I know, I know, and before everyone gives me the speech of "I have so much time to meet someone", read on. I wanted to meet more friends, or people I could hang out with, get to know and see if I could build a foundation on friendship. I know what your thinking, "Good luck with that!". To my credit I met some very interesting, fun, amazing people! I hung out with a few guys, went bowling, played pool, went to Jazz games. Met some guys who play for the Grizzlies, and the Bees. What I wasn't expecting were all the rude individuals that I would encounter, and how I couldn't allow those hurtful words to get to me.
With online dating you put up a few of your best pictures, a little biography about yourself and what your likes or dislikes are. Then you start getting the messages and BAM! Everyone thinks they know you. They know your life! Who you are, based off of what you like or don't like. They know your character based off your looks and because they know you, they can tell you whatever they want right? NO! FALSE! People these days think that they have the right to tell you who you are, because they simply "know you", or "people like you." But remember, they don't really know you. They have read a few words you have wrote, seen a few pictures, and knows that you like chocolate ice cream more than vanilla. But so does the guy you just bought that Chocolate ice cream from. He saw what you looked like, he knew you worked across the street and wanted some ice cream on your lunch break. They are superficial encounters.
HERE IS MY POINT: You do not allow individuals(especially those who do not know you) to take your happiness, power, success, love or respect that you have for yourself.
READ AGAIN: I do not allow individuals or those who do not know me to take MY happiness, power, success, love, or respect for MYSELF!
Now what brought up this post? Well, a few days ago I received a message from a man. He seemed nice, funny and maybe he can give me a few tips in the gym(because he was a personal trainer). After getting to know him, I realized he had no skills in conversation, and would only talk about himself. Total turn off. I then politely told him that I wasn't interested. Our conversation was in a low point and I found my opportunity. After that I received a message that I was not expecting.
"Whatever liking I have had for you, it has never been of such a character that I could be otherwise than disgusted by such pictures as yours. They are unutterably coarse and gross and beefy. It is simply unendurable. Not that I object to women, when the unveiling reveals attractions which the eye of the artist loves as something shapely and beautiful. I have an instinctive and cultivated knowledge of what physical beauty is and anything in direct violation of my taste and knowledge-like your picture- simply sickens me. I have studied every limb and line in the bodies of fifty young women and more, and know what form is and beauty is. You must not think me a fool. You are a fine woman in regard to health and strength, you are not a handsome or even a tolerably good looking woman physically and your pictures are simply horrible, horrible, horrible. This is plain speaking but I think its necessary for you. You cannot make yourself physically attractive. Don't try, I am an artist, a student of beauty and its very hard to please me. Don't disgust me."
After this you could imagine how astonished I was. This man used something so delicate(to me and every woman in the world) to make himself feel bigger than me, and for a second it sadly worked. I have been working for my dream body and at this point I let his hurtful words make me question my hard work, determination, and love for my body. But then I realized, He doesn't know me, he doesn't know who I really am. He doesn't know that hard work I've put into my body, and he doesn't know my heart; therefore he is not allowed to take my happiness, power, success, love, or respect from me.
This situation doesn't just happen online. It happens everywhere; work, school, the gym, and when your out with friends! What you need to remember is that we live in a wold where people think they know you because they have peeled back the first layer of your onion. They think they know you from bulb to your protective layer. But they don't. They don't know you, and they are even though they may talk like they do, they have no power in their statements. They have no control in their actions. Why? Because only you can give them that power. Only you can allow them to have that control. Start being strong! Respect yourself to stand up for yourself and say " I will not allow this", and feeling at peace with knowing its OK for not everyone to like you. As long as you love and appreciate yourself, there will be amazing individuals who will love you back.
Please know that you are a strong, powerful, beautiful being that processes so much more than a biography and the liking for chocolate ice cream! You have the power and control to allow things in your life. You have the ability to be stronger and once you are, you will realize these actions don't matter. Only you can allow events or words to hurt you. But you also have the power to get up, dust off, and smile.
I love you all!
Xo, Kenz
